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Relationships
These are easy to say, hard to do.
- Self Awareness is key.
- Communication is key.
- Managing and setting expectations is key.
- Know your expectations.
- This is generally for romantic relationships, can work for platonic relationships.
Communication:
Values:
- Safety
- Non Judgement
- Self Awareness
- Vulnerability
Dependability:
Empathy:
Fun:
- Know your boundaries.
- Make each other laugh, always.
- Chemistry is important.
- Short term is important. (Honeymoon, Chemistry, Energy)
- Long term is important. (Sustainably)
- If you don't have the short term, then you have to figure out how to survive the long term.
- Its ok to put pressure on each other, you both can grow from it. Be aware of the pressure you apply on each other.
- What childhood pains are you both going through?
- Experiment to figure out how to work with each other.
- Learn to be independent.
- Learn to be together.
- Reciprocate love.
- Work as a team. "Us against the world"
- The highs are easy. The lows are hard.
- Real life relationships are not a Disney fairy tale.
- They take real work.
- Relationships are not easy.
- It's the small things.
- It's the big things.
- Remembering to reciprocate
- Wishing good morning, good night
- Remembering birthdays
- Empathy
- Reciprocation
- Apologies
- Being together and being Independent.
- The small differences between you two will amplify over time.
- Alignment or acceptance of values.
- Working as a team.
- Do know yourself.
- Do speak up.
- Do always try to make each other laugh.
- Do be sensitive.
- Do lean in to the discomfort.
- Do invite the person out.
- Do always show appreciation.
- Do be conscious.
- Don't let fear consume you.
- Don't be afraid of each other.
- Don't repress yourself.
- Don't shy away.
- Don't numb yourself.
- Don't run away.
- Don't push away.
- Don't bottle up.
- Don't bottle emotions.
- Don't be insensitive.
- Don't be a pushover.
- Don't sulk.
- Don't be reactionary.
- Don't be automatic.
All of these will require willpower.
- Willpower is very important.
- Know how to recharge your willpower.
- The better you know yourself.
- The better you can know your partner.
- The better you can empathize with your partner.
- Know how you want to be loved?
- Do your values align?
- If not, can you live with the differences in values?
- You can only love your partner. If you can love yourself.
- Do you love yourself?
- Can you forgive yourself?
- Can they take care of themselves.
- How do they take care of themselves?
- If they can't take care of themselves, can they take care of you.
- Your partner will never complete you. Only you can complete yourself. Your partner can help you complete yourself.
- Your mood will effect your partners mood.
- Accept imperfections. Yours, and theirs.
- Helps in the short term.
- Helps you connect with each other.
- Gives you something to talk about.
- Gives you something common to talk about.
- Do you have shared short term goals?
- Do you have shared long term goals?
- Are you working together as a team towards that?
Keywords:
- Non commitment
- Fun
- Play
- Friendship
- Are you friends with each other?
- How do you set each other up for success?
- Define expectations.
- How independent/dependent do you want each other to be?
- How do you work best with each other?
- How do you work as a team?
- How do you help to complete each other?
- How do you help each other on your spiritual journey?
- How do you help each other out?
- Do relationships come naturally to you?
- The more out of sync you are, the more unnatural it will be.
- Do both of you know how to have a relationship?
- What have you learned about being in a relationship?
- What do you need to learn?
- How can you learn it?
- Share your learnings?
- Do you accept each other, for who they currently are?
- How similar are you?
- Values. Goals. Interests. Habits. Culture.
- The more similar, the better.
- You don't want, and don't need 100% similarity.
- Some dissimilarity is important.
- So you can learn from each other.
- So you can grow.
- Similarity is important, so you can quickly get along.
- Is this someone you can work with?
- Short term relationships focuses on shared interests.
- What baggage are each of you carrying?
- Becareful of carrying more baggage.
- What emotional baggage...
- How do you move from fun to work?
- The space from each other is where you grow.
- Physical and mental space.
- Only if you choose to grow within that space.
- Living apart from each other gives that space.
Keywords:
- Compromise
- Commitment
- Work
- Responsibility
- Accountability
- Reciprocation
- Apologies
- Maintenance
- Team
- Partnership
- Shared Goals
- Sacrifice
- Be prepared for routine. Enjoy some of the routine. Add excitement, spice, serendipity, but don't over do it. Don't force it.
- Do you make time for each other?
- Reciprocate.
- Do you sacrifice for each other?
- Do you make each other happy?
- Do you make each other laugh?
- Do you support each other?
- Can you survive each others lows?
- Have to grow through the seasons together.
- Long term relationships focuses on shared goals.
- Share fun.
- Share play.
- Share gratitude.
- Share happiness.
- Share victories.
- Share joys.
- Share success.
- Share learnings.
- Share burden.
- Share sorrows.
- Communication is key.
- Communication is even more important.
- With less physical time with each other, there will be less pressure.
- Communication with each other is important.
- Having something common to talk about is even more important.
- Time Zone Difference:
- Cons: Different energies when you connect
- Reciprocation is harder
- Harder to be in sync (energy, emotions, intellectually, etc...)
- Harder to share things
- You can't "invite" the person out.
- The power of invitation: Makes them feel wanted.
- No matter the timeline, you are immediately thrown into a "long term relationship" mode.
- Try over sharing.
- Dedicate a private time to talk to each other.
- Not while driving in the car.
- In a completely relaxing atmosphere.
- Easier to grow apart.
- Hard to get back together.
- Best is complete silence. Clean cut.
- Consider it as mostly final.
- Yes there are success stories of people getting back together.
- Going on and off repeatedly is painful. (Breaks)
- Leaves the relationship open ended.
- Status is unknown.
- Drags on the relationship.
- Disrespect of boundaries. Yours and their owns.
- Theirs: shows lack of their discipline
- Emotional games
- Emotional manipulation
- Entitlement
- Guilt tripping
- Hypocrisy
- Invasion of privacy
- Making excuses for everything
- People who want a "win/lose" scenario
- Projection of insecurities
- Seeks "revenge" or "payback"
- Highly competitive, in a bad way.
- Self Awareness
- Communication
- Be conscious. Be aware.
- Stop being reactive and automatic.
- Requires work from both people.
- If you do, both of you need to figure out how.
- Acknowledge that it is going to take work, and time.
- Classical/Practical Me says: If you don't. End it now.
- Romantic Me says: Fight for it. Figure out how long you can fight and sustain it for.
- Ask each other: How is each other working on the relationship?
- It requires efforts from both sides.
- Fails when only one person does it.
- Are you both going to work on it.
- Run experiments to figure out how to work with each other.
Ask yourself:
- What is your relationship with yourself?
- Do you love yourself?
- What is your sense of self worth?
- What about yourself are you projecting?
- What are you projecting?
- What fears are you projecting? Why?
- What are your childhood wounds?
- Who do you get relationship advice from?
- Are you better of as friends?
- Do they love themselves?
- What insecurity are they projecting about themselves?
- What are their childhood wounds?
- Who do you they relationship advice from?
- How much hard work are you willing to put into this relationship?
- What hard work are both of you going to put in?
- The more out of sync you are, the more hard work both of you are going to have to put in.
- See section above on "Starting a New Relationship"
- Don't forget to have fun.
- Learn how to have fun with each other.
- Learn to play with each other play.
- It might not work out.
- It will take time.
- Do you have the patience?
- Do you have the energy?
- Do you have the resources?
- It's going to me be more scientific/analytical. Less Romantic. Brace for it.
- It's not just going to work if you hope for it to. You have to work on it.
- Share learnings. Communicate what works, and what doesn't work.
Do these together.
If you don't want to work together, your relationship is going to fail. You have to work as a team.
- This is going to be dry. It's going to be harder work for you. It's not a Disney fairy tale. You are going to both have to work at it.
- Respect the boundaries.
- A period of no expectations from one another.
- Gives fresh perspective.
- Get some breathing room.
- Get back to healthy levels.
- Set a check in time.
- Work on yourself. Remember who you are.
- Spend some time on yourself.
- Work on the relationship.
- Don't cheat on each other.
- Don't date around.
- Spend some time being independent.
- Get to know what you want. What you need.
- Come back with a plan to work together.
- Sometimes it's better to be happily alone, than in a miserable relationship.
- Sure it's nicer to be with someone, but is that misery worth it?
Last modified 4yr ago