Comment on page


These are easy to say, hard to do.
  • Self Awareness is key.
  • Communication is key.
  • Managing and setting expectations is key.
    • Know your expectations.
  • This is generally for romantic relationships, can work for platonic relationships.




  • Know your boundaries.
  • Make each other laugh, always.
  • Chemistry is important.
  • Short term is important. (Honeymoon, Chemistry, Energy)
  • Long term is important. (Sustainably)
  • If you don't have the short term, then you have to figure out how to survive the long term.
  • Its ok to put pressure on each other, you both can grow from it. Be aware of the pressure you apply on each other.
  • What childhood pains are you both going through?
  • Experiment to figure out how to work with each other.
  • Learn to be independent.
  • Learn to be together.
  • Reciprocate love.
  • Work as a team. "Us against the world"
  • The highs are easy. The lows are hard.
  • Real life relationships are not a Disney fairy tale.
    • They take real work.
    • Relationships are not easy.
  • It's the small things.
  • It's the big things.


  • Remembering to reciprocate

Small Things

  • Wishing good morning, good night

Big Things

  • Remembering birthdays
  • Empathy
  • Reciprocation
  • Apologies

The Hard Parts

  • Being together and being Independent.
  • The small differences between you two will amplify over time.
  • Alignment or acceptance of values.
  • Working as a team.

Do's, Dont's and Willpower


  • Do know yourself.
  • Do speak up.
  • Do always try to make each other laugh.
  • Do be sensitive.
  • Do lean in to the discomfort.
  • Do invite the person out.
  • Do always show appreciation.
  • Do be conscious.


  • Don't let fear consume you.
  • Don't be afraid of each other.
  • Don't repress yourself.
  • Don't shy away.
  • Don't numb yourself.
  • Don't run away.
  • Don't push away.
  • Don't bottle up.
  • Don't bottle emotions.
  • Don't be insensitive.
  • Don't be a pushover.
  • Don't sulk.
  • Don't be reactionary.
  • Don't be automatic.


All of these will require willpower.
  • Willpower is very important.
    • Know how to recharge your willpower.

Take Care Of Yourself, Then Take Care Of Your Partner

    • The better you know yourself.
    • The better you can know your partner.
    • The better you can empathize with your partner.
  • Know how you want to be loved?
  • Do your values align?
    • If not, can you live with the differences in values?
  • You can only love your partner. If you can love yourself.
    • Do you love yourself?
  • Can you forgive yourself?
  • Can they take care of themselves.
    • How do they take care of themselves?
    • If they can't take care of themselves, can they take care of you.
  • Your partner will never complete you. Only you can complete yourself. Your partner can help you complete yourself.
  • Your mood will effect your partners mood.
  • Accept imperfections. Yours, and theirs.

Shared Interests/Goals

  • Helps in the short term.
  • Helps you connect with each other.
  • Gives you something to talk about.
  • Gives you something common to talk about.
  • Do you have shared short term goals?
  • Do you have shared long term goals?
  • Are you working together as a team towards that?

Starting a New Relationship / Short Term / Fun / Play

  • Non commitment
  • Fun
  • Play
  • Friendship
  • Are you friends with each other?
  • How do you set each other up for success?
  • Define expectations.
    • How independent/dependent do you want each other to be?
    • How do you work best with each other?
    • How do you work as a team?
  • How do you help to complete each other?
  • How do you help each other on your spiritual journey?
  • How do you help each other out?
  • Do relationships come naturally to you?
    • The more out of sync you are, the more unnatural it will be.
  • Do both of you know how to have a relationship?
    • What have you learned about being in a relationship?
    • What do you need to learn?
    • How can you learn it?
    • Share your learnings?
  • Do you accept each other, for who they currently are?
  • How similar are you?
    • Values. Goals. Interests. Habits. Culture.
    • The more similar, the better.
    • You don't want, and don't need 100% similarity.
    • Some dissimilarity is important.
      • So you can learn from each other.
      • So you can grow.
    • Similarity is important, so you can quickly get along.
  • Is this someone you can work with?
  • Short term relationships focuses on shared interests.
  • What baggage are each of you carrying?
    • Becareful of carrying more baggage.
    • What emotional baggage...
  • How do you move from fun to work?
  • The space from each other is where you grow.
    • Physical and mental space.
    • Only if you choose to grow within that space.
    • Living apart from each other gives that space.

Maintenance / Long Term / Work

  • Compromise
  • Commitment
  • Work
  • Responsibility
  • Accountability
  • Reciprocation
  • Apologies
  • Maintenance
  • Team
  • Partnership
  • Shared Goals
  • Sacrifice
  • Be prepared for routine. Enjoy some of the routine. Add excitement, spice, serendipity, but don't over do it. Don't force it.
  • Do you make time for each other?
  • Reciprocate.
  • Do you sacrifice for each other?
  • Do you make each other happy?
  • Do you make each other laugh?
  • Do you support each other?
  • Can you survive each others lows?
  • Have to grow through the seasons together.
  • Long term relationships focuses on shared goals.


  • Share fun.
  • Share play.
  • Share gratitude.
  • Share happiness.
  • Share victories.
  • Share joys.
  • Share success.
  • Share learnings.
  • Share burden.
  • Share sorrows.

Long Distance Relationships (LDR)

  • Communication is key.
  • Communication is even more important.
  • With less physical time with each other, there will be less pressure.
  • Communication with each other is important.
  • Having something common to talk about is even more important.
  • Time Zone Difference:
    • Cons: Different energies when you connect
    • Reciprocation is harder
    • Harder to be in sync (energy, emotions, intellectually, etc...)
    • Harder to share things
  • You can't "invite" the person out.
    • The power of invitation: Makes them feel wanted.
  • No matter the timeline, you are immediately thrown into a "long term relationship" mode.
  • Try over sharing.
  • Dedicate a private time to talk to each other.
    • Not while driving in the car.
    • In a completely relaxing atmosphere.
  • Easier to grow apart.

Breaking Up

  • Hard to get back together.
  • Best is complete silence. Clean cut.
  • Consider it as mostly final.
    • Yes there are success stories of people getting back together.
  • Going on and off repeatedly is painful. (Breaks)
    • Leaves the relationship open ended.
    • Status is unknown.
    • Drags on the relationship.

Red Flags

  • Disrespect of boundaries. Yours and their owns.
    • Theirs: shows lack of their discipline
  • Emotional games
  • Emotional manipulation
  • Entitlement
  • Guilt tripping
  • Hypocrisy
  • Invasion of privacy
  • Making excuses for everything
  • People who want a "win/lose" scenario
  • Projection of insecurities
  • Seeks "revenge" or "payback"
  • Highly competitive, in a bad way.

When It's Failing

  • Self Awareness
  • Communication
  • Be conscious. Be aware.
  • Stop being reactive and automatic.
  • Requires work from both people.

Do either of you want it to work out?

  • If you do, both of you need to figure out how.
  • Acknowledge that it is going to take work, and time.
  • Classical/Practical Me says: If you don't. End it now.
  • Romantic Me says: Fight for it. Figure out how long you can fight and sustain it for.
  • Ask each other: How is each other working on the relationship?
    • It requires efforts from both sides.
    • Fails when only one person does it.
  • Are you both going to work on it.
  • Run experiments to figure out how to work with each other.

When You Think It's Failing

Ask yourself:
  • What is your relationship with yourself?
  • Do you love yourself?
  • What is your sense of self worth?
  • What about yourself are you projecting?
  • What are you projecting?
  • What fears are you projecting? Why?
  • What are your childhood wounds?
  • Who do you get relationship advice from?
  • Are you better of as friends?

When They Think It's Failing

  • Do they love themselves?
  • What insecurity are they projecting about themselves?
  • What are their childhood wounds?
  • Who do you they relationship advice from?

Both of You

  • How much hard work are you willing to put into this relationship?
  • What hard work are both of you going to put in?
  • The more out of sync you are, the more hard work both of you are going to have to put in.
  • See section above on "Starting a New Relationship"

The Fun

  • Don't forget to have fun.
  • Learn how to have fun with each other.
  • Learn to play with each other play.

The Hard Work

  • It might not work out.
  • It will take time.
    • Do you have the patience?
    • Do you have the energy?
    • Do you have the resources?
  • It's going to me be more scientific/analytical. Less Romantic. Brace for it.
  • It's not just going to work if you hope for it to. You have to work on it.
  • Share learnings. Communicate what works, and what doesn't work.


Do these together.
If you don't want to work together, your relationship is going to fail. You have to work as a team.

For the Romantics

  • This is going to be dry. It's going to be harder work for you. It's not a Disney fairy tale. You are going to both have to work at it.

Taking a Break

  • Respect the boundaries.
  • A period of no expectations from one another.
  • Gives fresh perspective.
  • Get some breathing room.
  • Get back to healthy levels.
  • Set a check in time.
  • Work on yourself. Remember who you are.
  • Spend some time on yourself.
  • Work on the relationship.
  • Don't cheat on each other.
  • Don't date around.
  • Spend some time being independent.
  • Get to know what you want. What you need.
  • Come back with a plan to work together.

Keep In View

  • Sometimes it's better to be happily alone, than in a miserable relationship.
    • Sure it's nicer to be with someone, but is that misery worth it?



The School Of Life